A guy & his wife are in the theater watching the premiere when the guy leans over to his wife and whispers in her ear, "I just cut a silent fart. What do you think I should do?"
His wife whispers back, "I think you should put a new battery in your hearing aid."
My girl was farting like mad in bed the other night while she was sound asleep. I did what any reasonable man would do. Drive her with all my might square in the face. Then go back and pretend I'm asleep.