Have You Reconciled with Family after a Long Estrangement?

rjjfan

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May 17, 2013
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Have any of you reconciled with a family member that you had a long estrangement, and finally gotten together? How long did it take?
 
Jun 4, 2013
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My older brother. Shit, I stopped talking to him around 2008 and didn't reconcile until 2017, I think it was. Almost 10 damn years now that I'm actually thinking about it.

Anyways, when we were kids, he used to get mad at me for anything and just stop talking to me. That was his "punishment" he used to do for any little thing. I think we weren't talking to each other for two years at one point. I think I was 13 and we didn't start talking again until I hit 15 or so.

It used to actually get to me, and I'd beg him to talk after it got to be too long. As I got older, I was thinking to myself what the fuck am I doing. He ended up pissing me off one day when I was visiting him at his apartment, and I told him that if I left the room that I'll stop talking to him for the rest of my life. I held up my end of the bargain, and I would've easily done it until the tables were turned and he was begging me this time. Well, it was when he had to come back home to live with us. He had no house, his wife divorced him, and he had no money. Dude was seriously a broken man. Still, he never learned his lesson. Since he met this new girl and got back on his feet somewhat, he's going down the same damn path. I'm just waiting for the day he's back to square-one again, and my parents and I have to pick up the pieces once more.

By the way, I'm a ridiculously good brother. I gave him like $500 from my tutoring money to help him with some bills. I've never asked him for that money back, nor do I care. Hell, I even let him borrow $5k recently to open up a gym. We wrote up a contract, but he's already missed 2 payments. Anyways, I knew I'd never see that money again regardless.
 
May 17, 2013
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Louisiana
Nope, and likely to not happen in my lifetime either. If I remember right, the last time I briefly spoke to my mother was a few weeks prior to me marrying my second wife when we accidently ran into each other at another relative's house. The exchange went like this as she was storming past me walking out the door.

"Well, hi mom, how's it going?"

"You haven't given a shit for the past 2 years,why start now."

"Well, I guess this means you won't be attending the wedding." Not that I sent her any invitation by the way.

She snorted a few times and drove off.

That was in 1988 and not a single word has been spoken between us since then. And I for one, like it that way.


Oh, and to clarify things, I have 2 younger sisters who also don't have much, if any, relationship with the very same woman.
 

Trail

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May 24, 2013
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Nope, and likely to not happen in my lifetime either. If I remember right, the last time I briefly spoke to my mother was a few weeks prior to me marrying my second wife when we accidently ran into each other at another relative's house. The exchange went like this as she was storming past me walking out the door.

"Well, hi mom, how's it going?"

"You haven't given a shit for the past 2 years,why start now."

"Well, I guess this means you won't be attending the wedding." Not that I sent her any invitation by the way.

She snorted a few times and drove off.

That was in 1988 and not a single word has been spoken between us since then. And I for one, like it that way.


Oh, and to clarify things, I have 2 younger sisters who also don't have much, if any, relationship with the very same woman.
I've spoken to my sister twice in 12 years. We had a fall out regarding the way she spoke to my Mum when my Nan passed away and she's since had fuck all to do with me. I was in Italy when my Nan left us (my Dad's Mum) and she was awful to my Mum so I picked her up on it. Since then she's had nothing to do with me.

We met by chance at my parents place on Christmas Day two years ago, the conversation was very limited. I can't help thinking however how I'd feel if something bad happened to her. Regrets and all that.

The next time I speak to my sister will be when my Mum and/or Dad die. How sad it that?
 
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Haggis

CHB World Championship People's Champion
May 16, 2013
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Not really, although I only see my family every year or two when I go back to Australia. I don't keep in contact with anybody aside from that. But I stay with them when I visit my niece or attend a wedding or a funeral or whatever. So not estranged, but not close.

:hat
 
Jun 4, 2012
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No, but the number of people with awful relationships with close family is high and it makes me feel very grateful for mine. I am incredibly close with my mum, can have very candid debates, arguments and it changes nothing. My brother is one of my best friends and will be the joint best man at my wedding, and I am very close with two of my cousins too. The only close relative I was not close to growing up was my dad, and I didn't like him until I was about 23. I still think he was a dick in the past, and he is a bit of an idiot about certain things still, but I get on with him better than I ever have before and have been pretty close with him for the past 6-7 years.

It seems weird to me when I see siblings who are not at all close or flat out don't speak to each other, as I just cannot imagine it, and then my missus is very close with her brother, and the two cousins I am really close to are sisters with a great relationship. But...I think that's a bit of an anomaly, it seems more siblings are fine with each other but not that close than the other way around.

If I was estranged from someone, I presume it would be for a very good reason, and therefore I can't imagine I'd have any real interest in changing the situation.
 
May 19, 2013
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Don't speak to my brother. Haven't spoken in what must be three years now and I cannot see it ever changing.

Don't speak to my mams extended family such as aunts and that because I simply don't think they are very nice people. Plus the way they treat my mam is fucking awful so I simply avoid anything to do with them.
 
May 22, 2013
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Show me the way to St Louis
No.
I haven’t spoken to my sister since 2009.
I only speak to my father on special occasions like Easter and Christmas because I sparked him out at a family reunion in 2010.
They need to reconcile with me because I am right and they are wrong. The sooner they realise this, the less they will get violence from me. I am an angel who has never done nothin’ wrong l.
 
May 17, 2013
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Louisiana
No, but the number of people with awful relationships with close family is high and it makes me feel very grateful for mine.

I've always envied people that had close relationships with family members. My wife, for example, adored her father, but not her mother. When my wife was a young teen, her mother decided she no longer wanted to be married and responsible for 7 kids and up and left. Her dad did what he needed to do to keep the family together and they all grew up and eventually got on with their lives.

My wife loved that old man so much she would send him Mother's Day cards to let him know he was more than just a dad to her and picked up the pieces when her mother left. He so looked forward to our visits on Mother's Day when he lived hours away in the country. Truth is, I grew to love that old man like he was my dad and it really hit home when he finally passed away. It's been 11 years now that he's gone and my wife and I miss him very much.

In the meantime, her mother passed about 5 years ago now and I never hear her talk fondly about her, or the fact she misses her-----because she doesn't, and neither do I for that matter. She was one of the most self-centered, vain women I've ever met in my life-------and I've met many.
 

Tuff Gong

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May 22, 2013
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I'm close to my Mum & Dad & my son & daughter but have little contact with my extended family on my mother's side due to her & her sister (my aunt) having never gotten along.

It was my maternal grandmother who held the family together & kept my mother & aunt in check (i.e an uneasy off & on truce for as many years as I can remember) but when my Nan died in 2007 that side of the family disintegrated.

Apparently my aunt decided to unleash umpteen years of pent up hostility & resentment on the day of the funeral & she & my Mum haven't spoken since.

With us living in Australia & the rest of them in Scotland, the combination of everyone drifting apart & my aunt badmouthing us has resulted in estrangement from that side of the family.

No great loss really, they are/were all small town people & heavy drinkers & have all been popping their clogs over recent years so there's not much you can do about reconciling with them.
 

DB Cooper

peel me a grape
May 17, 2013
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I didn't see or have contact with my brother for over 8 yrs at one stage. Two reasons for it. One we were never close and two he moved o.s.

Also had a fall out with one of my parents that lasted over 3 years. But was then resolved.
 
Jun 4, 2012
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17,388
I've always envied people that had close relationships with family members. My wife, for example, adored her father, but not her mother. When my wife was a young teen, her mother decided she no longer wanted to be married and responsible for 7 kids and up and left. Her dad did what he needed to do to keep the family together and they all grew up and eventually got on with their lives.

My wife loved that old man so much she would send him Mother's Day cards to let him know he was more than just a dad to her and picked up the pieces when her mother left. He so looked forward to our visits on Mother's Day when he lived hours away in the country. Truth is, I grew to love that old man like he was my dad and it really hit home when he finally passed away. It's been 11 years now that he's gone and my wife and I miss him very much.

In the meantime, her mother passed about 5 years ago now and I never hear her talk fondly about her, or the fact she misses her-----because she doesn't, and neither do I for that matter. She was one of the most self-centered, vain women I've ever met in my life-------and I've met many.
That's sad, but also good that at least she had one parent who was great. As fortunate as I am with most of my family, it's also why I find people obsessed with "nothing comes before family" to be so ridiculous. You don't choose them, and if they happen to be horrible people, the notion that you should remain loyal to them due to a quirk of fate is crazy.
 
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May 19, 2013
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That's sad, but also good that at least she had one parent who was great. As fortunate as I am with most of my family, it's also why I find people obsessed with "nothing comes before family" to be so ridiculous. You don't choose them, and if they happen to be horrible people, the notion that you should remain loyal to them due to a quirk of fate is crazy.
Completely agree and this is something I have been trying to get through to my own mother for years now. She lets her siblings and mother all treat her like a piss of shit and when I asked her about it over the years her response has always been along the lines of "you only get one set of blood relatives". I will never ever understand this.
 
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Jun 4, 2012
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Completely agree and this is something I have been trying to get through to my own mother for years now. She lets her siblings and mother all treat her like a piss of shit and when I asked her about it over the years her response has always been along the lines of "you only get one set of blood relatives". I will never ever understand this.
It's insane. Kids who are raped by their father, "only get one father". Fred and Rose West were parents, should the surviving kids be going to visit mum with flowers on Mothers Day? You have a natural bond to some degree, but fundamentally if people behave terribly, then they've shown they don't care and respect and care should be reciprocal.
 
Dec 27, 2015
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Haven't spoken to my mother since late 2010. In fairness, she only speaks to two of her 6 children. Little to no chance of reconciliation as we're all fairly stubborn.

Haven't spoken to my sister since summer 2013. She's a bit of a cunt though.

I'd be close enough with my 2 brothers but they themselves no longer talk and haven't since 2015. Awkward that as well as we grew up with the same few friends, so nights out can be a bit awkward.
 
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Jun 2, 2013
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That's sad, but also good that at least she had one parent who was great. As fortunate as I am with most of my family, it's also why I find people obsessed with "nothing comes before family" to be so ridiculous. You don't choose them, and if they happen to be horrible people, the notion that you should remain loyal to them due to a quirk of fate is crazy.
That's what Liam Tuffs said.

He is a guy on Facebook. Mates with Tommy Robinson.

He openly says his father abused him as a kid. Possibly sexually abused.

He is not ashamed of it.

He calls his father a nonce and horrible man and supported various people who were in court to testify against him for messing with young girls.

He says you don't choose your family.

And if you want to you don't have to have nothing to do with anyone just because your connected by DNA.

There is no automatically loyalty for life just because your connected by DNA.
 
Reactions: Trail